Gary Coleman (troll-like genetic loser who starred on TV's Diff'rent Strokes; post-show highlights include learning that parents and manager bilked him out of millions and being arrested for attacking a rare autograph-seeking fan; successfully refashioned himself as a security guard and an embittered former child star available for demeaning cameo roles): "Little Elian, the measure of a man isn't his bank account. It's his parents' bank account."

"No one holds Saatchi too responsible. So they made a bad ad ... They'll still get asked to pitches. The attitude will be, 'Let's see what they have to say.' If they come back with a bunch of men in white hoods burning down houses in an ad for Safeway, well, then you don't give them the account." Even if one of the men turns out to be a Hispanic woman.

Governor, how do you feel about cross burnings and lynchings?

Buying access is distinguished from bribery chiefly by the fact that the latter has been declared illegal, while the former is still at large.

Personally, I think it was the lard -- we just didn't have any kerpunctions about slapping in as large a chunk as we can fit in the fryer.

I called a Washington psychoanalyst named Justin Frank. I told him I didn't want to feel deeply inadequate just because I didn't know how to day-trade.

"Fuck this stupid, stupid watch."

"Does the flag offend you personally?" Williams asked Bush -- who is campaigning as a "compassionate conservative" and is drawn like a magnet to African-American children whenever photographers are nearby.

When the Bradleys arrive, they encounter what's known in the industry as a "Mongolian pig-f**k," derivation unknown.

I try to believe that if I find the right words, I can help you understand.

The Y2K computer glitch gave cinematic suspense and excitement to life in 1999 that seemed destined to reach climax not at the end of another year but at the start of a new epoch.